It’s sad, it’s loving, it’s an experience I have never regretted.

Nancy Briant was born in Golden Bay and thanks to the palliative care services provided by the Golden Bay Community Health team supported by Nelson Tasman Hospice, she was also able to die there. At home, surrounded by her loved ones, and at peace. 

Nancy’s daughter Sue Baker wrote about the experience and has kindly let us share it with you. 

 “Mum first got breast cancer in 2014 at 83. She had her breast removed. The morning after that she was sitting up in bed knitting. This is the sort of woman mum was, “let’s get on with it”.  Mum loved hobbies and tried every craft from pottery to doll making.  

In December 2020 mum felt a lump on the side of her body next to where her breast had been removed. She had a biopsy and the specialist from Nelson Hospital rang on New Years Day with the results that it was cancer. Mum had already decided she wasn’t going to have any treatment, which we respected and understood. From that day until mum passed away 7 months later, she wasn’t alone. My 3 sisters, Robyn from Hamilton, Frances and Christine from Christchurch, had turns coming home to stay with mum. Unfortunately, my other sister, Minnie, lived in Australia and due to covid restrictions, she couldn’t come.  

After a lifetime of not making a fuss Mum surprised us all by wanting a party for her 90th birthday at the River Inn in January. Richard (proprietor of the River Inn) made paua patties at her request. 

Support from the district nurses started immediately, from fortnightly to start with. Mum was very well at this time with no pain. Then the tumour started to grow, growing outside her body like a boil. When it was drained it burst, making an internal wound.  

The nurses were now visiting three times a week to clean and dress the wound. Whatever was needed for mum to make her comfortable was given. We had to come up with solutions for dressings because mums’ skin was too thin for plasters. With their support, we came up with different ideas as her cancer progressed. We had wonderful support from our local pharmacy for trial medications. 

Mum at this stage was still at home with one of my sisters with her. The neighbours were great at popping in, especially Joanne who lived next to mum. She was so caring and loving, unbeknown to us all, she was also dying of cancer, and she passed away before mum in the end. 

Mum moved to stay with us in mid-May and had 10 weeks with us. Her cancer had progressed, the wound needed cleaning twice a day and at the beginning of July, the pain started. 

To get mum’s pain evened out, she went into the palliative care bed at the Golden Bay Community Hospital, but she didn’t want to go. She was so unhappy there that after two nights, I brought her back home to us. She felt more comfortable being with us and told me she was “going to die this week”. It was time to call my sister’s home. 

They arrived on Tuesday and Wednesday and said I needed some time out and were going to make a roster to help. Frances stayed with mum on Thursday morning while the rest of us went on a bike ride out to Pōhara. When I got back, I knew that mum had deteriorated very quickly, needing more pain medication and with more tumours appearing. One of the nurses came straight away to medicate mum. 

She was sleeping on the couch; it was where she wanted to stay. I called the nurses again at 10pm that night, they came and put a syringe driver on mum and instructed me on how to medicate her. We all had mattresses on the floor sleeping next to mum, it was like a sleepover. It was very sad facetiming Minnie in Australia watching mum slip away. Mum passed away very peacefully on Saturday 31st July, 2021. 

For anyone caring for their beloved family at home is a wonderful experience, it’s sad, it’s loving, it’s an experience I have never regretted. It was so personal for us all, all of us being with mum right up until the end of her life. 

The support of hospice, the wonderful loving nurses and the equipment they gave us made it easier to care for mum in our home.” 

Sue shared her story with us as a way to show her support of the hospice service. Nancy’s family also supported the service by donating her things to the Tākaka Hospice Shop to help raise funds and keep specialist palliative care free of charge across the Nelson and Tasman regions.